Letter to Myself
by Lady Dragon
Summary: One-shot-Complete He knows those he cares for end up hurt because of him, yet Seto cant help but feel something for Ryou. Problem is Ryou is already seeing someone. SxR BxR


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Mediaminer.org – pen: LadyDragon   
  
**Disclaimer:** I have yet to pull out a document that reads: "ye now owns the rights to Yugioh and all characters therin" from inside a Cracker Jack box.   
  
**Author's Notes:** This is my first YGO fanfic – hope its believable. Anyway there are so many Seto/Jou, YY/S, Y/S, and YY/S/Y fics out there but hardly any of my favorite pairing so in response to this I came up with this one-shot.   
  
* Oi vey, and here is the latest revision of this piece. -_-' I swear I'll stop revising it someday. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this story so far!   
  
:: blah, blah, blah :: denotes telepathetic communication between hikari and yami   


* * *

  
**Letter to Myself**  
By Lady Dragon 

  
  


_Ryou,  
I'm not quite sure when I took notice of you. In class despite possessing a wit capable of challenging me academically your soft spoken ways and low opinion of self-worth placed you beneath my notice.   
  
In dueling, your skills were astounding - not many could master an occult type deck let alone fully utilize it as you do; yet despite this I still never really took notice of you anyway. Why, you ask? Because you associated with Mutou Yuugi and I had no time for his cheerleaders. Why did I not at least acknowledge you as I did the pin head, dog, and forever-friendship girl? Despite how childish it sounds, I honestly could not bring myself to speak to you because you didn't acknowledge me.   
  
All the others found opportunities to criticize me, berate me, lecture me, look down on me or challenge me to a duel with them. You never did any of these things and I was grateful and happy to let you be. Like two ships passing in the night, you never once signaled to me your interest in anything to do with me and I respected your wish to leave you be.   
  
So when exactly did I fall for you? Sadly it was right around the time I realized that all hikaris were destined to be with their others. Each of you complete the other, and for a while I fooled myself into thinking I could be the one for you, the one who could complete you; as corny as that may sound.   
  
Ryou Bakura, I could write millions of pages worth of letters, haikus, sonnets, poems, even novels all of them expressing the way I feel about you. Each would be composed in such a manner that would convince you that it is I that you should be with. I have no doubts in my capabilities in convincing people that my way is the right way.   
  
I am however wise enough and big enough to admit that I could probably never bring to you the happiness that you deserve, that you experience with Yami no Bakura. For that I envy that crazy tomb robber.   
  
I seem to be incapable of bringing those I love happiness. Mokuba is a fine example of this; you should know you're the one closest to him. You are the one who looks after him while his brother is busy closing deals and making money, it is you who always has a minute to spare for him when his brother is "too busy to be bothered". He worships you for this gift that his elder brother could not even give to him. I can see it whenever I look at him, I've disappointed him and I will not disappoint you as well.   
  
If I do not wish to disappoint you then why am I composing this letter to you? To be honest I'm not quite sure actually. As a child when the strain of my step-father's lessons and protecting Mokuba got to be too much I would find myself locked in the study composing letters to my deceased parents asking for advice. Obviously I never dreamed of getting a response, yet none the less I always felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. After I took over the company, and removed Gozabarro from this world I realized that my letter writing could be seen as a weakness, a way to get to me and discredit me and so I stopped the letter writing, and never once did I believe it would start up again.   
  
Writing my thoughts, my emotions down has always allowed me to better analyze them. This is how I came to the eventual conclusion of how to remedy this situation. It took me a few hours, reading over numerous notes and letters I've written pertaining to or addressed to you. Several cups of coffee, paper cuts, and the turning of pages later I had come to the conclusion I previously told you of. I could never make you as happy as your yami has. Of course the fact that I realized this at long last means little if I continue to pine over you and, heaven forbid, drag you into my emotional mess. But I digress; there is another purpose to this letter which I have yet to address.   
  
As CEO of Kaiba Corp. it is safe to say that global expansion is one of the main goals of my company on my agenda. Its one I've just recently accomplished in fact. A new branch of offices, factories and most notably a new Kaiba Land will be opening up on the East coast in the US next fall. I will continue my education abroad and oversee the opening and running of the new American division in person. In fact as I write this my bags sit packed beside my feet and Mokuba runs about ensuring that the servants leave no loose ends in the preparations for my trip. I believe he's quite eager to see me gone, although I haven't yet told him that I won't be returning for at least a few years, he'll be thrilled once he realizes this of course. I can just imagine the celebration he'll throw, and of course all of Yuugi-tachi will attend.   
  
I hope you realize that I've actually filled up a two inch- three ring binder about you now, obsessive I know. I thought I'd mention this fact because. . . I'm leaving it behind. You've moved on in your life and you've finally found the happiness that you deserve. Its time I respected this and attempted to move on as well. Perhaps without the sight of your lovely sweet cherubic face, warm chocolate eyes and soft smile I can return to the uncaring executive I once was. Perhaps without the notebook to browse through, to analyze and to reminisce with I can pretend I never cared.   
  
This is my goodbye to you Ryou, may you continue to live in happiness with Bakura. May I have the strength and willpower to do this single thing for_ you _I want you to know that I hold neither malice nor any of the infamous "Kaiba ill-will" towards Bakura, oddly enough, I wish for nothing but the best for you two.   
  
Mina-sama ni dôzo yoroshiku. O-genki de, ja sarebada.   
Seto   
_

  
  


The ancient spirit of the ring shifted uncomfortably where he stood as he glanced over the last undelivered letter in the binder, counting the numerous water marks that dotted the page and made the otherwise neat penmanship run in spots. The water marks were odd, nothing else seemed to be dotted with them and nothing appeared to have been spilled on the binder either.   
  
The stains fell across all of the pages yet it was the last three paragraphs or so that seemed to have been splattered the most, weird. For some reason Bakura's mind could not rest till it had solved this minor mystery. The shocking contents of the letter were pushed to the furthest recesses of his mind as he strived to find some semblance of stability in his now off-kilter world. What were they?   
  
_"Tear Stains!!" _  
  
The thought hit him like a bolt of lighting. Bakura shook his head, sending his wild mane of hair flying in disarray, in an attempt to bring some order to his obviously half-lucid thoughts. Surely Kaiba hadn't shed tears over this . . . but then who else would have?   
  
With a calmness that belied the frantic pounding of his heart Bakura seated himself in the leather executive chair before Kaiba's old glass-topped desk. Carefully he sat the old binder atop the desk then leaned back in the chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin as he regarded the notebook as he would have a priceless relic retrieved from a Pharaoh's tomb. As the realization of the significance of his actions registered in his mind he felt a roguish smirk play briefly across his lips as his eyes strayed to the now opened safe he had found.   
  
He had stumbled upon the safe's trigger mechanism quite by chance actually as he gazed at the mural that ran the entire length of the CEO's old room for the millionth time. One could only open the safe by pushing against three different scales of the three separate Blue Eyes White Dragons that had been captured in great detail upon the wall. A detail he had picked up on quite by chance as his sensitive ears picked up the soft almost inaudible clicking sound as Bakura had managed to locate one of the hidden buttons as he had trailed his fingers down the back of one of the dragons.   
  
Bakura had felt the old familiar feeling of excitement and the usual rush that he had not felt for nearly 5000 years return to him then. He had sincerely thought he'd found the CEO's treasure trove, perhaps even secret documents of nefarious deeds, instead he'd been slightly disappointed to find that he had instead located a few old photographs and a thick binder covered in dust.   
  
Again his attention was drawn back to the binder that lay open before him. A priceless relic; yes that's exactly what he now believed this simple notebook to be - if it was legitimate of course. Was it possible that the little rascal known as, Mokuba Kaiba, had placed this notebook there knowing full well that Bakura would one day stumble upon it during one of his continuous wanderings of the rooms in the mansion? No, he had seen Kaiba's handwriting once before, when his little hikari had been furiously copying down the blue-eyed teen's notes for the entire week of school Ryou had missed – which had partially been his fault. The penmanship, the precise spacing and perfect strokes of every single character into neat straight lines screamed: "Seto Kaiba Was Here!"   
  
However that still did not explain the tear stains. Perhaps someone else had stumbled upon the notebook prior to him? Studiously his eyes flickered over the layers of dust, the yellowed pages, and the amount of ink that ran upon impact of each tear and almost immediately he dismissed the thought. Seto Kaiba had written this, had cared so much about his hikari's happiness that he had foregone his own in an attempt to ensure Ryou's everlasting happiness.   
  
With new insight Bakura looked back onto the days they had last seen the CEO in person. The blue eyed teenager they knew had been morose and distant, more so than usual. Where as before Ryou would have at least been able to at least get the young man to leave his office to join him for a walk and lunch in the park; however in those last few days not even Ryou could draw the ill-tempered CEO from the confines of his office, without using deadly force that is. Needless to say Ryou avoided doing that and instead tried to remain by Kaiba's side. That plan backfired as well seeing as how the boy was never idle for more than fifteen minutes at a time, eventually Ryou backed off and allowed the teenager his much needed space.   
  
It was about that time that the last day of Yuugi-tachi's sophomore year came and with it an interesting article on the front page of the Domino Daily:_: "Kaiba Corp. Conquers the US!"_ The Kaiba Corporation had expanded its offices to the eastern coast of the United States, brining with it more job opportunities as new offices, factories, and most notably a new Kaiba Land opened up; doors would open to the public that August. A mixture of shock and glee had surrounded them all, even he strangely enough had felt a bit happy and proud of the former high priest's grand achievement.   
  
Kaiba had not shown up that day, nor were they able to reach him at his office or home phone. At last they managed to get a hold of Mokuba who had just returned with some disturbing news.   
  
Kaiba had moved to America to oversee the company's expansion personally. Although he had told Mokuba he was leaving he had not bothered to tell the young boy that he wasn't returning. Mokuba had, had no clue until he noticed that the servants had packed and shipped all of the young billionaire's personal belongings, and Mokuba's former nanny was given permanent residence in the estate. Only then had Mokuba realized his brother's intentions.   
  
Mokuba took many flights out to the US (via private jet of course – Ra damn spoiled brat) to see his brother and the two still remained close. Yet for the past three and a half years aside from the news clips, articles and TV appearances Kaiba made they knew only what Mokuba would relay to them upon his return or at the end of yet another lengthy phone conversation; "Seto is fine and business is great".   
  
Over time they had all recognized the leaving scene for what it was; a severance of all old ties. They had all been cut loose from Seto. Yuugi remained open minded and claimed 'Kaiba-kun' was still thinking of them and was still their friend. But the utterance of Kaiba's name did not evoke the same kind thoughts that the Pharaoh's stupid light harbored in the rest of the circle of friend's minds. No, one was sure to get a plethora of curses, glares, threats, friendship rants – and in one person's case silent tears.   
  
The tears belonged to his angel Ryou. Ryou had spent many nights crying when he thought no one would see, sighing as reminders of Kaiba presented themselves to him, and begging, begging Mokuba for Kaiba's phone number or email address. The tomb robber had to admit, to his credit Mokuba was definitely a Kaiba. He honored his brother's request that none of them be given Kaiba's number even when faced with the lethal combination of Ryou's tears, pouts, and puppy dog eyes. All in all it was an absolutely pathetic sight to see, and he hated Kaiba for reducing _his_ hikari to a sniveling whimpering mass. Had it been little Yuugi groveling on the floor like a dog – well he'd had laughed his ass off. Maybe if Kaiba had bothered to ask he'd have known what pain his departure would cause Ryou. Maybe if Kaiba had known he would have returned, maybe he wouldn't be engaged to some blonde American slut/singer claiming to be an actress. Ra, even the damn whore's name was annoying let alone her singing! Bakura honestly couldn't see what Seto would see in her; she was nothing like Ryou.   
  
_"And maybe that was the answer, nothing alike, nothing to remind him of what he gave up." _  
  
Bakura pondered this rogue thought in silent contemplation for a few minutes until -   
  
"Kura, we're back!"   
  
"Is the house still intact? We were gone for awhile . . ."   
  
"I _think_ it is . . ."   
  
he was rudely shaken from his thoughts by two loud voices, Ryou and Mokuba were back, and by the sounds of it they were both in a good mood. Good enough to try and bait him into an argument anyway. Bakura couldn't help but wonder what had ever happened to the nice little hikari that had once worshipped him like a god.   
  
"KURA!!"   
  
Oh yes now he remembered, he'd wanted his hikari to grow a backbone, silly him.   
  
"KURA WHERE ARE YOU!!"   
  
Ryou's voice called from somewhere downstairs and a moment later he felt an insistent tug at the other end of their mental link as Ryou demanded Bakura's response.   
  
:: What! :: Bakura finally snapped.   
  
:: Sorry to bother you Kura. :: Ryou sighed into the link and immediately the former tomb robber felt guilty for his snarky response.   
  
:: I, apologize aibou just – bored I guess. ::   
  
:: Its alright Kura-chan :: Ryou began reassuring his yami :: it must be so horrible being stuck here in this mansion all day with nothing to do but watch tv, play video games, read some books, eat, go for a swim, shoot some pool . . . :: Ryou's assuarnaces turnd to mild teasing of his yami earning him a slight hiss from the irate Egyptian spirit. Smart aleck hikaris, what was the world coming to? Bakura began to tune his hikari's mental prattling out till a slight change in the boy's tone told him to pay attention.   
  
:: . . . Mokuba really did need to get out though, and he was worried about missing Kaiba-kun if he called today . . . ::   
  
His hikari's mental voice trailed off but Bakura didn't need their mental bond to know what Ryou wanted to say.   
  
:: And like Mokuba you were hoping he'd call, but _you_ didn't want to relay Mokuba's message to Kaiba so he wouldn't think Mokuba forgot about him. _You_ wanted _me_ to intercept the call and see what the CEO has been up to lately. ::   
  
He could practically feel Ryou blushing in embarrassment as his ulterior motive to the kind suggestion he gave Mokuba earlier was pointed out. Ryou was not as subtle as he thought he was.   
  
:: You didn't mind did you? :: All traces of playful teasing were gone from his light's voice as Ryou became serious, worrying his yami was offended.   
  
Bakura sighed at Ryou's predictability. He'd long gotten over the fact that there was another who meant as much as he did to Ryou. He'd had time to get over it, after all it wasn't like Ryou had bad taste or anything, and he had, had plenty of time to begin to hate the person who had mercilessly broken Ryou's heart. Not to mention plan numerous ways to torment said person.   
  
:: I told you tenshi, I don't mind – I just want to see you happy at last. Ech, now I sound like that sappy dumb-ass Pharaoh. ::   
  
It was a long running complaint of Bakura's that Ryou was turning him into a mushy sap. The comments never failed to earn the dark one a soft smile and a bought of laughter, he was not disappointed. After a minute or two Ryou's laughter subsided and he became serious once again, hope lacing his words.   
  
:: Kura, did he . . .? ::   
  
:: No, he didn't. Mokuba must have remembered the wrong day, phone hasn't rung once. ::   
  
:: Oh. ::   
  
That single word cut Bakura deeper than any dagger ever could. _"Ra-damn Kaiba!" _  
  
:: Ryou - ::   
  
:: Listen Kura, Mokuba and I picked up some pizza for dinner why don't you come down and eat with us? Mokuba says he has some sort of new joke to tell you. ::   
  
Bakura smirked lightly at the last bit, the boy had a perverted sense of humor one which Bakura found incredibly hilarious. Choosing not to comment on Ryou's obvious change of topic Bakura instead allowed his hikari some time to get over yet another disappointment.   
  
:: Alright, I'll be there in a minute. ::   
  
:: Great! The salad should be ready by then! ::   
  
Salad, with pizza? Bakura nearly smacked his head against the shiny surface of the desk in horror and amazement. Why did his light continue to try to stuff him full of rabbit food? Was there a pair of bunny ears on his head or a fluffy tail attached to his ass that he didn't know about?   
  
Before the tomb robber could threaten his hikari's bodily health he felt Ryou's end of the link close.   
  
Rising from his seat Bakura swiftly picked up the notebook, careful not to let any of the loose sheets tumble out and placed it back into the safe, securing it from prying eyes once again. Glancing around Bakura made certain that no trace of his presence there was detectable. Satisfied, he turned to leave before either Mokuba or Ryou decided to come and ensure that the upstairs level was still in once piece. Both were leery of him alone in a house and left to his own devices – especially after he incinerated the paper shredder – which by the way was _not_ his fault!   
  
With a final glance at the room now being bathed in crimson hues from the setting sun Bakura exited the room and began a rapid trek down the long halls of the Kaiba mansion. Ryou was right, it was sad that every day after they left the younger Kaiba would be alone in this large and empty house. As he neared the kitchen and the sounds of the two eating and talking reached his ears Bakura felt a fiendish smirk stretch across his face from ear to ear, his spiky bangs falling into his face to hide the mischievous glint in his eyes from viewer's sight. Bakura just had an idea, and his ideas were always _so_ much fun.   
  
:: Ryou? :: He called sweetly.   
  
:: Kura? Are you going to join us? ::   
  
:: How would you like to visit New York? ::   
  
:: Huh, you mean you're taking me there? ::   
  
:: That's right. It just occurred to me that you need a vacation. ::   
  
:: Really? Oh thank you Bakura! ::   
  
:: No problem tenshi. ::   
  
:: What's in New York that you want to see Kura? Ooh, could we visit the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Fifth Avenue, Central Park, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art? :: There was still some lingering hesitation in the boy's voice, and with good reason. Kaiba did own a penthouse in New York where he spent most of his free time, or so Mokuba and the tabloids said. But Bakura had a feeling Ryou had not even linked the two together yet. Joy and excitement were his primary feelings at the moment, so much so that he never heard Bakura's reply to his question.   
  
:: Many things tenshi, many, many things. ::   
  


  
  
· - · OWARI · - ·   
  


* * *

The ending was meant to be a bit vague and open this way everyone can end it the way they'd like. ^_^ How do I picture the ending? I'll give you a clue . . . I'm a big B/S/R fan D   
  
So how bad was it? Reviews are wonderful things . . . 


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